Lessons from my mother
Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a mother.
Has there been a truer sentiment? Our mothers are often not only one of our first teachers, but they are also one of our greatest. Certainly, they are a huge support. I know my mum is there for me no matter what. I can always count on her to be there when I need advice. And she opens her home when I need somewhere to stay or write. Her door is always open.
A big part of who I am comes from my mother. She was my first teacher, and continues to be one of my greatest supports. Here are 10 lessons I’ve learnt from her.
1. You can do anything
My mother has always made me feel that I can do anything. When I was younger I came up with some wild ideas, but she always held space for them, and the person that I was becoming. She even told me that I didn’t have to become a mother if I didn’t want to. I could choose the life I wanted, and it didn’t have to conform to society’s expectations or my own limitations. This is one of the most powerful lessons she taught me.
2. Education is important
My mother took a firm line when it came to school. Education was important. Good grades was what she cared about most, especially during my teenage years. She wasn’t so fussed about whether I had a boyfriend or didn’t push me with extracurricular activities or sports, but she wanted to see As on my report card. I definitely value the education I have received, and have become a life-long learner, and in many ways appreciate the dedication and determination she instilled within me.
3. Home is the heart of who you are
I have clear memories of each of the homes that we lived in while growing up. Home was always important to my mother. She took pride in the spaces that she created, and was resourceful, too — painting and wallpapering rooms, making curtains and restoring furniture. Quite simply, she wanted to create a home that was beautiful, regardless of her budget. Home allowed her to engage with her creativity and express who she was, what she liked and valued. Each home had a different look and feel, depending on the architecture and period of the building. All of our homes felt warm and welcoming, which is something I value to this day.
4. Be tidy
A tidy home was important. I don’t think my mother considered that there was any other way to live. She valued her surrounds, and the hard work that she had put in to create them — both financially and physically. Growing up, our homes were spotless. It was the first step towards establishing order, and making the most of your home and life.
5. Try again
Inevitably, we all experience set backs in life. My mother has always encouraged me to get up and keep going. The only type of failure is giving up. Set backs are just a detour on the journey to your final destination.
6. Pride is not a dirty word
My mother has always taken pride in her home, her work and her appearance. It is not a dirty word, centred on vanity. Instead, it’s about caring about your choices — from what you do to what you create. It’s a way to feel good.
7. Be passionate
If there’s one word to describe my mother, it’s passionate. If she decides to do something, she gives it everything she has. If she believes in an idea, she will want you to believe it too. I joke that it’s the Polish in her. She speaks with her hands — sometimes with her whole body, standing up and waving her arms around to make a point. Family get-togethers are always lively. I love the energy of people who are passionate about, well, anything.
8. Food is a love language
My mother’s mother was Polish, and I don’t know if it’s a cultural characteristic but she was always trying to feed us more food. In fact, if we didn’t have seconds she would get offended. While my mother is not quite so emphatic, she does love to feed those who she loves. My mother makes delicious cakes and strawberry pancakes and amazing meals. My children love visiting because they always know they will be spoilt with the tastiest treats.
9. My home is your home.
There have been many times over the years that I have gone back to live with my mum after leaving home. Her door is always open. When I was growing up, I remember that she opened her home to one of her sisters for a period of time. And to other family friends. Even one of my friends lived with us when she was having problems with her family. It’s similar to the principle of mi casa, su casa and is a beautiful act of generosity.
10. Let it go
While I have a tendency to ruminate and attach a lot of meaning to people, places and things, my mum is good at letting go. She doesn’t get overly sentimental about objects. When we emigrated from England to Australia, we sold off or disposed of almost all of our possessions. My mum has started over many times and I think letting go is one of her superpowers.
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